People Who are ACTUALLY dumber than our co-host (which is saying something)
A Houston man with a remarkably distinctive tattoo is wanted in connection with several aggravated robberies on the city’s north side. “They’re calling this guy ‘Social Security’ because he actually has his Social Security (number) tattooed across his forehead,” veteran Houston police investigator Frank Heenan said. In fact, Robert Wooten, 40, has several tattoos. Another one that appears on his neck reads ‘713,’ which is apparently his area code. Heenan is described as a career criminal who is connected to at least a half-dozen recent armed robberies, and multiple witnesses have identified him because he is #StupiderThanGeorge
A Sacramento man named Zachary Samaha, 22, allegedly stole a police car on Saturday night before driving to an A-1 liquor store to buy a 40-ounce bottle of malt beer, from which he took a swig as he headed out of the store. Moments later, Samaha was taken down by a local man who made a citizen’s arrest and held him on the ground before cops arrived. The good Samaritan, identified as Chris Marzan, had spotted the patrol car swerving with its headlights off and then hit a telephone pole. Marzan called 911 to report the crash when he saw Samaha get out of the vehicle wearing sweatpants and no shoes. “I was concerned that he was going to come out with one of the weapons in the vehicle,” he said. Samaha made off with the patrol car while officers were responding to an incident nearby.