Ugly Matt Damon, Love Your Footlong, Spanking At The Goat Pen [Read This]

Author: George

We can’t stand the idea of someone missing out on the love of their life…so each week we comb through Craig’s List Missed Connections for the stories that touch our hearts….

GEORGE: You Look Like A Weird Matt Damon – Woman Seeking Male

I’m looking for the guy who looks like Matt Damon’s ugly brother. You sorta look like Matt Damon but not as hot. I hope you’re not offended by that. I sometimes suffer from diarrhea of the mouth. It’s part of my charm. You kept looking at me while we were waiting in the line at the Liquor store. I didn’t get your number or name that night but I could tell you wanted to get dirty with me. If you remember who I am, I’m gonna be staying at a motel on Sugarland this week.

MO:  Foot Long – Man for Woman, Spring Branch. 

“You were the cute girl with glasses making sandwiches at the Subway on Clay. I ordered a black forest ham and couldn’t focus on toppings because of your gorgeous smile.

I don’t know how to flirt with girls while waiting in line for lunch.  I kept laughing to myself as I thought of football and extra meat pick-up lines, but they didn’t seem appropriate during the busy lunch hour.

Hopefully you troll Craig’s List posts during the slow periods. I hope you see this and drop me a line!”

(Umm…a true southern gentleman right here, ladies!  Spring Branch, let’s make this match happen! ❤ )

COWBOY DAVE:  Spanked You At The Zoo – Man For Woman, Houston

I’m mortified, but maybe I’m not sorry. You see my son and I were feeding the goats a few weeks back at the zoo, he’s 5…and I went to discipline my son who was throwing a fit because I didn’t want to get more goat food. I raised my hand to scold my son for his behavior when I accidentally spanked you by mistake.

Don’t ask me how it happened, but it did. What can I say, he’s wiley and I missed him and struck your firm, supple, bottom…and that’s not where the awkward ended… you turned around with shock & surprise on your face…

So To recap, I accidentally spanked the firm bottom of a noticeably pregnant women in the goat pen at the Houston Zoo…by accident.. but you didn’t yell or slap me… you just smiled and gave a smerk.

I also noticed you didn’t have a ring on. SO, let me say this… I’d like to apologize by buying you dinner at some place you hate – because maybe then you’ll throw a fit you’ll remember our first encounter

Everyone needs love – including these folks on Missed Connections.

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